aku adalah angin...

as free as the wind...

it hurts doesnt it? to do what u did. to go thru what u did. it always hurts. more so the 1st time u go thru with it. even though u know it's the right thing to do. even though u know there is no other option than what was laid down before u. even though u know it will be by ur very own hand. it hurts. it always does.


when it's over, u'll look back at it knowing that some things in life dont come easy. u'll look back knowing that with that equal amount of pleasure, there has to be the pain that comes with making that choice, going thru that decision. most importantly, u'll look back knowing that it will be the exactly moment in life u started to grow up and make the better choices in life.


nothing in life is ever that sure. u should know, u've debated about it for more than u've realized. it probably gave u more than ur fair share of sleepless night over it. even after it's been done, u're just not sure if u've done the right thing. u don't know if what will happen will ever be the same anymore. all the doubts, all the fears, all the guilt, they just stand in the way of making the choices that u know u need to make. they cloud u from the truth that things aren't what were in the years before this.


but guilt… is a good thing. conscience is what tells u that u're still a good person. it's what tells u that u're still human. dont look to other pple. there's no use. everybody's just the same. u've fallen from ur own graces. u've walked away from ur own conscience, walked away from ur own guilt about the things u have done. the history repeats itself, in a different way. yeah u feel bad, but congratulations, u're still a decent human being.


i, as another u, can't promise u that it's not going to hurt the next time. i, that live in u, can't promise u that the next one will be just as what u went thru before. i, ur very own alter-ego, can't promise anything that lies in the future because really… no one can. what i can tell u is that this time, u'll be better prepared for what may come. that's what life is all about. not in the anticipating the moments, but knowing how to deal with what nightmares and dreamscapes that may come. u'll be smarter then… that much i can promise u.


after all that's said and done, after all that's happened and will happen. life does indeed go on. it may hurt. it may sting. it may feel like there is an empty gaping hole where what mattered most once was. but life goes on and there is no sense in living in that moment of pain. u know because u've lived it before. i was there with u when u did. i'm always with u. u know there was no greater pain than what u've been thru. u know what u're going thru will be over. and u know i'll always be here for u. because no one else will.


u only have me. we only have each other...

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