aku adalah angin...

as free as the wind...

kadang2, the only thing u can do is pray, which i know is the hardest thing to do bilamana kau sering sekali mempersoalkan Penguasa Langet samada Dia betul2 mendengar doamu.

dan bila seluruh ruang lingkup kehidupanmu is based on objectifying and cataloging every moment of setiap pengalaman dan rencah hidup yang telah kau tempuh, u know u've hit the deepest end when the only solution u can turn to is an abstract of human faith.


i know, u're now lie in the hard, deep end... sebuah lohong gelap yang tidak terjangkau walau sekilas cahaya pun. and u don't know how u're going to get out of this one.


but trust me, i know somehow u will.

dan Dia juga sentiasa mendengarkan kamu, u know.

for everything u've done for me.
for all the years u've stand by me.
and for all the things u've said last nite,
i thank u...
for taking me as what i am.
for always being there no matter how difficult urs truly is.
i thank u...
i couldnt ask for more.




thank u, pakcik.

ada beberapa perkara in the world that u should not hear, and u have heard it.

ada beberapa perkara in the world that u should not say, and u have said it.

ada beberapa perkara in the world that u should not see, and u have seen it.

ada beberapa perkara in the world that u should not do, and yes, u have done it.

ada beberapa perkara in the world that u should do, but no, u chose not to do it.

nor should u be compelled to, but its sweet call will always be there and u're not but human.

oh God give her the strength and wisdom to see this through. or at least show her a resolution everybody can be happy about.

since been having this stupid thingy, it's always been hard to get out of my bed everytime i wake up from deep sleep (meaning, sleeping in static position for more than an hour), but today is the most difficult. set my alarm at 7.30 because i need to pack my things and go to the office as soon as i can. BUT, it took me almost half an hour just to lift my right hand and when i finally managed to step my feet on the floor, it was already 9 o'clock. the bed was soaking wet with sweat, and my pillow with tears. it's just too painful...

i keep trying to stay positive, but things are getting worse, and i dunno if i can make it for the next 14 days...

help me God...