aku adalah angin...

as free as the wind...

Life, is like a multiple choice of question.

Sometimes the choices confuse you, not the question itself.







Afterall, being alone is better than being with the wrong person.



I might have deleted our conversations, but I will never forget what you wrote.
I might have removed you from my life, but I will never forget that for a while you were part of it.
We might have stopped talking, but I will never forget the sound of your voice.
No matter how I try to deny, I will always remember every detail, every moment, every piece of the memories you've left.
No matter how much I try to forget, it will always, always be there...

Aku rindu kamu...



Tapi kamu takkan pernah tau, kan?




*sigh*

it's been a month, exactly 30 days since u left us...
and finally u came in my dream last nite...
i hugged u like never before...
and i said,
'papa... akak rendu papa...'
u didnt say a thing, but thru the heartbeat, i feel like i can hear u say,
'papa tau... papa tau...'
do u, really?

i've said it thousands times when u were still with us, and i'll never stop telling u that...

akak saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayaannnnngggggg papa...
papa lah papa akak dunia akhirat...


al-fatihah untuk papa...

19th mei 1943 - 3rd dec 2010

u're just two different puzzles all put together, becoz none of the pieces fit each other.
now u're falling apart inside, tired of constant trying,
u realize u gotta stop, there's nothing else u could do.
just let go, move on...
perhaps, that's the only thing u could do...

i'm already sick and tired of fighting all these losing battles...




but so long as i live,
the war continues...

kamu bukan lagi parah, tapi tenat!!!
sebagai satu-satunya entiti yg paling dekat dgnmu, aku turut berasa sakit.
jadi terserahlah;
if a mask can make it easier to deal with, then put it on...
but u must understand,
that all the masks u're wearing will only make u suffer even harder.

kerana...







sebagai manusia,
aku sayang padamu...

it's not a fair game u play...
sehingga kamu tahu apa sebenarnya yg kamu inginkan...





or do u?

u did it eventually. walaupun kamu sempat muntah dengan teruk sebelum betul2 mampu melakukannya.

it's been like forever of holding ur breath and at the end of it, kamu mengambil kata putus untuk menamatkan segalanya on a single fateful monday afternoon. the endless painful agony has finally ended, because of that single fb post. setelah kamu tersedar bahawa kemunculannya dalam hidup kamu tidak lain hanya untuk membuktikan teori kamu selama ini memang benar. lucu kan, semuanya sama saja walaupun sekeras mana mereka cuba membuktikan mereka berbeza. dan kau sempat mempercayainya!!!

but now, the weight that has been on ur back has been lifted. u survived. today, u're still breathing. u're still alive.

alive to do the things u wanna do. alive to do the things u should do. alive to stay the course u know u have to take. alive to keep the promises u had to make.


for the most part, there was a price to pay for that victory, both physically and emotionally. kamu terluka teruk, seperti terjatuh dari langet dan terhempas atas batuan gurun yg panas menyengat... but like all the hellish trials in ur life, surviving them results in u changing ur entire perspective of life. consider urself the luckiest person in the world. u still have God's Grace. well, it's hard to dispute that now even for an agnostic u, rite?


yet life goes on. u can waffle on about how u've been feeling for the past couple of years, drunk on the triumph of the moment and excess energy that has kept u going in the darkness, but the truth is, the world still turns and life still goes on...


selamat mecipta memori yg lebih indah... dan semoga kamu lebih berhati2 agar tak kecundang lagi!!!