as a typical makcik yg suka menyoal2, aku selalu terpikir…
how far can we walk around the lives that we wish we were in?
how far can we pretend to live the perfect lives we wished we were living?
how long can any of us trade existence for the moments that we wish could never end?
and what price are we willing to pay for just that trade off?
masa kecik, aku byk berangan. better yet, aku ada plans to go with those angan2. plans that could go far beyond any dream any child or adult could have conceived. aku sgt obsess with plans within plans, taking ideas apart and fitting it in within more plans. even as a child, kepalotak aku dah complicated dgn mcm2 benda. aku selalu percaya that if aku never stopped planning for the future and always anticipating what could happen, i could always somehow… live forever… always one step ahead of the Angel of Death.
naïve nya…
tapi, some dreams never do die and better yet, some always stay the same. aku tak rasa i’ve ever stopped planning and moving things into positions like a giant jigsaw puzzle. i don't think i ever will stop the dreams of making my mark in the universe, to prove that i'm not just some small gear in the wheel of reality.
yet… some things do change, indeed. i've learnt over time that aku tak mungkin bley plan for the future kalau aku tak at least stop to live in the present. always seeing what's around, rather than what's far ahead. dgn cara begitu, from the pple i've found and the pple i've lost, i've learnt to just… live for the moment. live from moment to moment seeing all that's around me, to see the life, the reality that flows around in that one single moment in eternity.
so where does that leave me? still goes back to planning the plans lah qaedahnya, again and again. and everytime i tend to walk every step and look at every thing i can look at. and everytime lah jugak i tell myself to stop dwelling on the future that cannot be confirmed, but to determine the present that i can deal with… here and now. that's what matters. life can suck so bad… pple could do worse things than taking their life. but it isn't what life throws kat aku that matters… its how i deal with it that makes the difference,
so back to the soalan2 di atas…
jawapannya (bagus, sendiri soal sendiri jawab) hanyalah just for the briefest of moments. sbb manusia mana bley pretend forever, so why bother keeping it? concentrate on making it here and now lah. don't imagine it, shape it! what have i gotta lose??
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