aku adalah angin...

aku.

kamu.

dua dunia yang sungguh berbeza. bahkan kita tak bicara dalam bahasa yang saling terfahami. walau masih mendongak ke arah bulan yang sama, warna cahayanya nyata terlihat beda.

kemudian pada satu titik, jalan hidup kita tiba-tiba bersinggungan. lalu tanpa sedar, aku dan kamu menjadi kita. kita yang gembira tapi derita. entah apa bezanya. yang aku tau, kamu seperti bayang-bayang yang selalu ada, terlalu dekat namun juga begitu jauh tak tersentuh.

dan seperti aroma kopi panas, wangimu menggoda. pekatnya sempurna dengan sedikit sentuhan rasa tidak terlalu manis, aroma eksotik dari sepotong cinnamon, dan kelembutan whipped cream bercorak hati di atasnya. membuat aku ketagih menghirupmu lagi dan lagi. tapi terlalu sayang aku tak mampu menghabisi kamu.

kau. ceritaku. kisahku.

separuh hidupku. penyimpan rahsiaku.

itu dulu.

kini,

kau... masa silamku.

kerana titik itu telah terpecah. menjadi jisim halus yang mustahil tercantum kembali.

kau... sejarahku. aku... sejarahmu.

letih melayan permainan takdir
sementara menanti 'detik' yang entah bila kan hadir

hati dan lidah mengalun zikir
sedang otak senak diasak fikir

apa benar pada setiap perjalanan penuh getir
dihujungnya pasti ada bahagia terukir?

it hurts less u know.
it hurts less when there is one less person bleeding.
it hurts less when there is one less person without a scar.

it hurts less when u were there beside me.
there to remind me that the past can't hurt me anymore.
there to show me that there is a future worth fighting for.
u, just being there.
but no more.

yesss it hurts to finally see u're with someone else.
but it hurts less u know.
less than when u were with me, and i could do nothing about it.
less than to realize the fact that u're closing in just when i'm about to open up.

damn it hurts.
but it hurts less now...

diam
bukan bererti tak apa-apa
atau baik-baik saja
atau tak pernah merasa marah
atau merasa terlalu kisah

diam
lantaran tak bisa melakukan apa-apa
atau bilang kalau baik-baik saja
bukan juga tiada amarah
kerana bukan kamu yang memiliki dia
tapi dia yang memiliki kamu

dia dan dia
kini mereka keduanya!!!

old wounds never go away do they? they always leave scars behind. walaupun aku merasakan they are gone, but everytime sebenarnya i touch them, i feel them. they are always there, they have always been there and will always be there. be there to bring back the memories of past pain and hurt. and the worst thing is... it will always hurt.

and these scars of mine, bukan sikit. sangat banyak. i try hard to hide it, and bear it all like a great superwoman. but oh, u can see it? well maybe i'm just not good enough. only God knows how i try looking away from them, i try removing them (it's only makes things worse, dan itulah yang paling menyakitkan sebenarnya,), i try everything just so i dont have to remember what went behind those scars. sumpah aku cuba. tapi tak kira mcmana pun the scars tetap ada di situ. it is there whether i want it to be or not. and there is nothing i can do to erase it. no, i could never wash it all away. well… at least not completely.

agaknya, that's what scars are for; they are there to serve as a reminder of things long past, things that i painfully bled from, things that hurt sooo freaking bad. dan setiap kali melihat someone else hurts the way i did, bleeds in tears and asked why to a Being that gives answers few can understand, the scars are what reminds me of what happens when i was too slow to avoid the bullet, and when i didnt dress the wound in time… it is quick to hurt, slow to heal.

yesss, the scars may eventually heal… faded but never forgotten. it's the way its supposed to be. never to be forgotten.

God have mercy if i ever forgot my scars.

God forgive me if i ever do.