aku adalah angin...

i found mike’s fb account today, and was so shocked to find out that she’s married. mike, my so-called bff is married and i knew nothing about it. i sent her a message (via fb) and sms-ed her mobile. late at night, she texted me back :

“dah kawin daa..mana tau?”

mad. sad. hell i dunno what i feel actually. i just couldn’t stop crying till now. suddenly, i asked myself…

what is it that most pple strive for in life?

the one thing above all else than this material world yang penuh kepalsuan we live in? maybe although a lot of us might try to deny it, it is the comfort and security of a family or whoever we cared for above all else, kannn? i mean, family in this sense tak semestinya related by blood. having blood ties doesnt mean u're a family. bapak bunuh 3 orang anak? abang rogol adek? no. it’s not family. family means perasaan kasih sayang, pengorbanan, care and devotion to each other above all else, termasuklah persahabatan. it is a bond that cannot easily be broken.

and i asked myself another questions. what is ‘failure’ to the pple under ur watch or pple u care for? is ‘failure’ really the fact that they can get hurt? that they die on while they are under ur watch?

think about it, we desire companionship, frens, lovers. we are social creatures that thrive on the company of others. we are damaged in heart and mind when we are deprived from others. kita menjadi self-destructive and fatalistic in nature becoz we are unable to connect ourselves to others. so how can it not be that in all the things we do, all the things we work for whether money or power, in the end it is the desire to be in the company of others that we desire the most?

so, what would failure to these pple mean? i used to think that its the fact that they will be hurt, that some will die. i've beaten myself in some nights becoz of this. but apa yg berlaku hari ini made me realise, since the world is full of hurt and death, there is no way that i can prevent hurt from anyone, or death to others. no… that would mean it cannot be a failure for me.

failure would mean that i stopped giving a damn for pple, stopped giving a damn for my frens and family. in the world so full of pain and torment, the last thing i should do to the pple i care for is to STOP giving a damn. they would hurt, and unless i can prevent it, they can die. dan adatnya, most pple, all they desire above all else is a someone who would care for them and comfort them in their time of need.

sometimes all it takes is one person to give a damn about someone. to not let anyone be left behind, no matter what the cost. that's what family is about isn't it? that’s what frenship is all about, rite?

never let anyone be left behind. never stop giving a damn about someone. it is the most painful thing u could ever do to a person. it is the greatest failure u can even do to someone.

never let go of hands that hold on to u. never turn ur back on the pple that would do the same too.

never.

ever.