u might not get to read this, tapi persoalan tentang kenapa aku enggan berkongsi cerita sendiri, tapi sebaliknya sentiasa bersedia menadah masalah org laen bagaikan semua itu adalah makanan jiwa yg sgt mengenyangkan, aku ceritakan di sini.
aku berpegang kuat dgn pendirian that the burden of my experience should only be mine to bear. rasanya mcm tak adil to expect pple to understand becoz they haven't gone thru it. more often than not, some experiences mengajar aku that some experiences should never have to be experienced by the pple that haven't lived thru them. for some, what happened would be their first time seeing it. for others, it would be a familiar sight that becomes part of their ability to deal with the world they live in.
what happened, happened and there isn't anything i could do. no blame should be given tak kira pada sesiapa pun. no guilt should be felt, walaupun ada sedikit kesal. no remorse should be shouldered. i can only feel the sadness of loss and hanya mampu berharap that the suffering ended, even if it was by choice. in times like this, it is a moment of reflection, not just of the fragility of the human body, but the fragility of the human mind. some pple battle with their demons all their life and rise to the occasion. some never recover. itulah sbbnya i choose the choices in my life. for better or worse, it's my own way of making sure the demons are kept at bay.
yet, that doesn't mean i’m alone. even in the company of pple who haven't walked in my shoes, i can find comfort in knowing that they are there for me. not as pple that understand, but as pple yg sentiasa mengingatkan aku that the world didn't have to be the war i fight against day and night. pple who remind me of a time we laugh and smiled with innocence. pple who remind me that there is always something worth living for.
yeah, most of them are bound by blood. tapi setengah yg laennya dlm jumlah yg boleh dikira hanya dgn jari sblh tangan, adalah spt kamu.
thanx God i met u… LINA… a fren yg betul2 memahami bahawa erti persahabatan itu bukan sekadar ucapan i love u, i miss u whatsoever, tapi datang dari keikhlasan hati menyokong satu sama laen utk menempuh kehidupan. kita tak kuat, tapi aku ada kamu, dan kamu ada aku...
