aku dapat rasa there is a change coming. tatau la whether it is the arrival of spring or the coming storm, but as one chapter closes in my life, so does another one open. one that begins with someone yg aku rasakan sgt rapat (to the point aku berani kata yg dia lah satu2nya makhluq bernyawa dlm dunia ni that i never lied to) leaving and continues with me juggling my emotions that would make circus acts proud. one that has me torn between mourning the dream that i always wished for and being the rock that has always stood for the ones that mattered.
as much as i tell pple that i’m used to pple leaving and i'm used to big changes happening, the truth is…I AM NOT. change sebenarnya is another way of saying that something i dowana happen has happened. given the circumstances now, i wouldn't mind the long hours of nothingness and the constant medical check-up, what eats me up right now is the farewell that i dowana say. the farewell that would mean that everything i wished for would mean for nought. when someone means that much in
i know it's wrong to say what i really think. i dunno. to strike out and reach for something new, that's what we all should be doing. that's what i would say and some other thoughts should always be kept to myself no matter how deeply feel for him. i care for him and i know exactly what he feels, but again, all these thoughts should be kept between myself and the cold dark spaces in between friendship and life.
the inevitable change has finally come and for what it's worth i'm screaming inside for it.
just don't tell anyone else alright?
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