aku adalah angin...

as free as the wind...

"there is nothing i can do but listen. no, u never alone, dear. i cannot imagine the torture u must be going thru, but i will always watch ur back. this is just another battle we have to fight and i don't have any answers and neither do u. but we both know we'll find a way regardless."



as i put the phone down, i thought hard about my own plight, trying to push the images of desire far away from my mind. sekuat mana pun cuba bertahan, i'm still human and one way or another, i am going to falter in my step regardless. as much as i want what i want, some mistakes when done cannot be undone. and i already lost two pple yg in a way dah beri kesan sgt besar dlm hidup aku. as for her, with dangerous game afoot, she stands to lose love of her life if she doesn't thread carefully.


dan aku, can only pray and pray and pray for her.

cinta seperti matahari, ia akan tetap bercahaya.
walau malam menjelma, sinarnya pada bulan tetap menerangi.
terkadang ada juga waktu gerhana, tetapi akan kembali jua kecerahannya.


cinta itu seperti sinar matahari, memberi tanpa mengharap kembali.
cinta itu seperti sinar matahari, tak memilih siapa yang di sinari.
cinta itu seperti sinar matahari, yang memberi kehangatan dihati...




beruntunglah yang menjadi matahari,
beruntung juga yang menjadi bulan.
bagi rumput di lembah,

selagi cahaya matahari menyimbah,
selama itulah dedaunnya akan bernafas gagah.

life can be suffocatingly cruel sometimes but thanx God i have Ms Wind on the other side to soften it a bit by thinking and communicating positively.

hell that is what this blog is all about anyway. different side of me talking to each other.

and yesss, i have chichi too!!!

chichi dear, walaupun kau takde telinga untuk mendengar, mulut untuk berkata2, tapi sbnrnya kau tak pekak kau tak bisu. dan sekurang2nya kau ada mata untuk melihat apa yg aku tempuh selama ni kan...? jangan ada pancaindera lengkap sempurna tapi semua menjadi tuli dek emosi!!!

how much is a fren worth to u?

how far would u go before u can call someone ur fren?

how much would u do to call urself a friend?

how much would it take to keep that frenship alive?

how much would it cost u to kill ur friend?


could u kill ur best friend?


tentulah the immediate answer utk soalan terakhir adalah no, kan? tapi, what if it were to save the lives of hundred of pple. tak mungkin? what about thousands? millions? the entire world? bagaimana, would u be willing to kill ur fren… personally? sanggupkah kau melakukannya?


when pple say u can't put a price on frenship, they lie.


setiap sesuatu dlm dunia ini ada nilainya. setiap org has their own currency. persoalannya… what is ur price? how much would it take to do the things u really wouldn't do?


all prices bergantung sepenuhnya on the values u hold true in urself. how much u value the things u hold on to depends on ur outlook on the world u live in. kau selalu bercakap tentang benda2 yg di mata khalayak holds noble qualities… but more often that not, u do not follow them.


u are hypocrite.


u are driven by ur own self interests and deny in urself the inability to perform the noble deeds u often tell urself to do. hakikatnya, u have ur own pricetags that life would always pay up on. more often than u think, u are caught in ur own moral and ethical dilemmas sbb kau lupa that life doesnt give a demmm about how much ur frenship is worth or how much it's going to cost u to do it. life just gives u a choice to live for urself or with urself.


so could u kill ur best friend?


it's ur call anyway. whether u save just ur friend or the lives of many. it's just how much it's going to cost u. the only question remaining is this.


could u live with urself in the end either way?


could u?


or maybe... u just did?


after 5 consecutive days that i slept after 4 am (yeah, in the morning!), i finally managed to get some really good sleep last nite, thanx to mr prozacs, ms ciprams and mrs stilnoxs. hell i HAD to take pregabalin jugak sbb celebrex and rocaltrol failed to work last nite. hameeekkk kau... high on drugs gitu.

maybe sbb segala bagai drugs yg aku amek tu, mimpi masa tdo pun jadi endah2 belaka. semua happy ending qaedahnya. siap terbangun dari tdo tu sbb kena kiss dgn prince charming wtf! siriyesss tabley blah!

tah mcmana teringat quote ni...


"What if Prince Charming had never showed up?
Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever?
Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a health-care package, and a baby from her local neighbourhood sperm bank?

I couldn't help but wonder:
inside every confident, driven single woman, is there a deliver, fragile princess just waiting to be saved?"



yeah... what if prince charming had never showed up in my dreams? will i ever wake up again?

she just realized just how pple live thru facebook. its like everybody knows how everybody else is doing, or how much fun they’re having with their lives right now, or vice versa, thru facebook. pple send birthday greetings thru facebook, rsvp for events thru facebook, make new friends on facebook, find old friends on facebook.


as a matter of fact, she just accepted few frens request on her facebook account, from frens she knows quite well even without facebook.


she's not a net junkie na-ah, so today she spends most of her time trying to understand facebook by clicking whatever things that could be clicked on facebook. she even tries to search few names she could remember from her past and gets high if she found any. she does NOT dare to add anyone as her frens, yet. but my God... she gets soooo tuned out that she forgets to talk to pple!!!


yeah, looks like she finally succumbs to facebook.

good luck babe.

'I like playing Doctor Evil because there's no blocking. And I get to eat a lot of chocolate. So I sit in the chair and just 'blah blah blah'. And then they take the makeup off me and I go back to the sad existence that is my life that is just pfftt, me in a shame spiral, covering up the pain that's deep within my soul because although, ironically I wanna be seen by other people; if they do see me they'll see that I'm inherently flawed.'

Mike Myers
(dlm satu wawancara entah zaman bila)

whatever course of action i take, it would be good to remember that at the end of it, my blog is for myself. even if i'm writing for an audience, the reason i would do that is for me to have pple read and respons about things i wrote.


so yesss, i'm ready to let myself be seen and be heard. nuff said!

remember what Cyril Connolly said?


'better to write for urself and have no public,
than to write for the public and have no self.'



if u're writing for urself, wouldn't that mean that u aren't going to have many readers in the first place?

if u're going to write for an audience, isn't that going to make u look cheap and dishonest?

and one thing for sure, by turning this personal sanctuary of urs to a public blog, u're already resigned to the fact pple are going to read ur blog.

are u really, truly ready for that?



i welcome the world!!!