aku adalah angin...

ada kalanya dia merasa benar-benar tak berdaya
hanya mampu bersimpuh
menengadah tangan memanjat doa
berharap keajaiban akan datang
lalu mengambil alih hidup
tanpa dia perlu berjuang
kerana semua indera telah longlai
seperti jasad yang ditelan tanah...

how could one change form hate to love in a second?
how does one change from love to hate in a second?

how the hell do we measure happiness?
how the heck do we measure misery?

how come everyone tells me that everything will be alright, when i know it would not?
how does a man stand straight, when he knows his sins bear upon his shoulders, heavy?

how do you comprehend life?

these are the questions that i seek answer for.

dia tidak mungkin akan tahu

tiap saat waktu berlalu
kau semakin mendamba nya
selalu, sentiasa
dan kau

tekun menunggu digerbang hidup nya
dalam kesendirian
seketika badai
seketika hujan
walau petir menyambar
tetap kau tenang di situ

walau dia tak bisa kau sentuh
sebab itu tak selalu perlu

kerana kau meyakini
cukuplah dia ada
hadir dalam hatimu

sepanjang idop aku, i've been a troubleshooter of all sorts of things. the insecure issues of life, the complications in relationship, the crisis of faith, and even the never ending other pples' problems. panggil la aku bzbodi or anything, but there is not a day that still goes by that i am not knee deep in the personal life of another person regardless of what situation i'm in. entah lah… aku sendiri almost forgot how all of this started in the first place let alone how many pple i have lent a hand over the years. whether that's a good thing or not.

i do not know.

what i do know is, it isn't a question anymore about where i am headed in life. i already made a conscious decision a long time ago that it would be my destiny to help pple. the question that still remains unanswered is what would be the final hand to carry out that destiny?

at the back of my mind that age old plan of the world is still there. just me doing what i can to set things right again. enough talking about how to bring back the civillity and unity of the human race. enough talk about trying to end stupidity in the world. enough of all the discussions and whatever issues and just carry it out like a good little soldier i was raised to be.

of course… the high goals and dreams carry with it a high standard and cost of getting there. some i have already paid. some am still paying. the rest… i don't even want to imagine what they are. in any case, where i'm standing right now is a very large obstacle which unfortunately is of my own creation. aku yg pilih jalan ni, with all the knowledge of the years that came from my troubleshooting experience.

i really don't know where to go from here.

yeah talk about irony.

can't help but wish that my room wouldn't be so empty.

but needful things often start from that.

and i hope that could be a good thing.

could it?

meranduk luas samudera

menebar sayap di cakerawala
mencari erti yang tersembunyi
di balik kebesaran mayapada
laksana ombak
menerjang deras arus kehidupan
dan kemudian sunyi
menitik di titisan hari-hari
masih ada sampan kelmarin
terumbang-ambing di lautan lepas
tanpa pedoman
dan kemudian karam
terdampar di kehidupan
begitu sunyi
titik-titik kecil
menyebar jadi debu
dan berserakan sepanjang lautan
begitulah kita
ketika berhadapan
dengan kebesaran-NYA
maka kutepikan diri
di semenanjung-Mu sahaja
memeluk erat rasa
yang terus bersemayam didada
masih teramat panjang
perjalanan
yang mesti kulalui
namun pada-Mu jua

segala akan bertepi

i was listening to my playlist a while back, scrolling through my list of songs, each with its own distinctive memories and emotions…

when *BAM*, it hits me.

and just like that, i had my ‘moments’...

…that sudden deep desire to do something significant, something amazing, something meaningful, something romantic...

…that impulsive instinct to live a life only seen on big-screen romance, musical, and adventure films…

…that intense want of making a difference to lives… any kind of difference…

…that wonderful drive to excel and live life just the way God intended it to be – a fulfilling, lovely, and beautiful one…

...that undying and stubborn optimism in me, pounding on and on about a troubled world that still has hope (this is, i admit, a slightly miss world sorta moment)…

…that ‘unsatisfied-to-be-merely-where-i-am-now’ feeling that so often overwhelms me during periodic moments in my life.

i want, need and crave for something, but i don’t know what.

the reason why all this sounds so frighteningly vague and abstract is becoz it simply is, and that’s what worries me – why am i feeling this way? i despise going through ‘moments’ sometimes … too much to think about and more importantly, too much drama.

and because of the sheer lack of ability on my part to fully explain what i just feel, it frustrates me so.

sleeping on my troubles and praying about it helps, which is exactly what i’m going to do.

*sighs*

moments are wonderful, confusing, and embarrassing things. maybe it’s only becoz i’m intoxicated with swing and melancholic songs on my playlist. don’t know. am i the only one who goes through this mysterious wave of passion?

maybe love is simple. but sometimes it gets out of hand.

that’s just making things hard for both of us.
i dont know the rules of give and take, at all. that’s how it gets complicated.
complicated things will eventually turns into events that bears more weight than it should.

or maybe one is taking things for granted.
and i believe it's urs truly.



and i'm not even in love with him!

memang bukan easy task, living that kind of relationship every single day. it's much simpler to believe that u literally are single, alone in a world that pays no attention to the things u accomplish in it. tapi, regardless of what lies u tell urself to get thru the worst days, the truth is still that u have someone waiting for u. tiada pengesahan tentang hubungan kau dengannya jadi lebih mudah juga kalau meminjam facebook relationship status as ‘it's complicated’.


tapi, regardless of how hard it is to make a relationship work in life, the bottom line for love and relationships are that they are never complicated. they are always simple and straightforward. they always give its options and paths that u need to walk.


what's there to be complicated about love to begin with? u accept and embrace him for who he is, for better and for worse. u complement his actions, or at least work on complementing the facades in which he runs his daily lives with u. to which u should be able to find security and comfort in a relationship, ur fears and doubt washed away in the words and actions that he offers in ur weakest moments.


that's what relationships should be about. u don't have to wrack ur brains to figure out what's what. it's simple enuf to understand what exactly to do.


of course, samada kau sanggup to make those choices and some sacrifices, samada kau ada kekuatan to see thru the hardest of moments, atau samada kau sanggup to spend the rest of ur life with him who probably has the same kind of doubts and fears about the relationship as u do, all of it, is another story altogether. and in those hard choices to make in love, not everyone has the wisdom or experience to see it as it really is, let alone to see it until the end.


ultimately, love is a simple thing in life. u give and u take. u share and u embrace. u live with it and u live thru it. semudah itu. it has never been complicated and there’s a doubt it ever will. that at least is something to keep in mind thru the hardest parts of it all. u'll feel better about the choices u're about to make with ur own relationships and that's a whole lot better than the alternative.


u know it's true. hell u do.

merah matahari

senada warna darah

turun di batas garis cakerawala

menjemput senja ke peraduan sang malam

ada rindu

yang mengiring langkah perjalanan pulangnya

menuju senyap

ketika ronanya pun mengabur

berganti pekat

malam menyingkirkan rona yang tersisa

langit berubah warna

tapi cinta

akan selalu ada

seperti esok

pasti ada cahaya