aku adalah angin...

i ain't a smart person. ilmu setakat paras buku lali itik berenang. tak pernah bertambah, susut adalah.

yes, aku suka baca buku. mcm2 buku, apa2 buku. janji buku. tapi semakin banyak yg aku baca, aku rasa semakin bodoh.

buku tentang sikap, tak membantu aku jadi lebey baek. i'm still an asshole.
buku tentang pemikiran manusia2 hebat di dunia, hanya buat aku rasa kecik.

buku tentang penampilan, hahaha aku rasa mcm badut!

i dont act nice.
i dont think nice.
i dont look nice.
i dont write nice.
and i always do things that will eventually led others to think bad of good things.

always there are stupid dumb questions running in my head. i notice how my life is based on five simple words... who/what, when, where, why and how? most of the times, i use what to determine the course of life. aku (dan adakah the people around pun sama jugak?) asked these questions almost every nano second of life. be it to myself, or, to other.

WHO AM I NOW AND WHO WILL I BE IN THE FUTURE?

WHAT DO I HAVE NOW AND WHAT WILL I HAVE IN THE FUTURE?

WHEN DID I BECAME THIS AND WHEN WILL I BECOME THAT?

WHY AM I LIKE THIS AND WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE THAT?

HOW DID I MANAGE TO BE LIKE THIS AND HOW CAN I BE LIKE THAT?

questions, questions, questions. in a good and guided way, these questions would bring lots of enlightments and enhancements in life. or, in an opposite manner - destruction and despair. but then, what is the "good and guided" and what is not?

tapi pada aku, it matters not. the questions yg aku tanya pada diri sendiri and others are sign boards in this life's long highway. dlm kehidupan realiti, walaupun aku gigih membaca signboard di tepi jalan, tetap sesat. i've no sense of direction. mungkin aku tak reti baca signboard, or asking the wrong question, and getting the wrong direction, atau... atau apa2 je lah - but then its the journey that matters most, rite? it does not matter how everything begins - but how it ends, rite?

i look back at my life. i look back at other pple's life. i notice that even in the things that we truly believe in we also have questions - some call it doubts, some call it 'reflecting our lives back'. bila dah tua ni, there's no more 'just do it' attitude, atau masih ada, tapi tak mcm zaman muda2 dulu. do bad, bad things - two questions still arise. one to justify our actions. one to punish.

rite????