aku adalah angin...

right about now pple are making resolutions for the new year. some couldn’t be bothered for fear of making rash idealistic resolutions too difficult to achieve. others figure out vague resolutions like 'i will stop being a bad person' dan mcm2 lagilah.

aku? entah. takde kot. maybe i’ll just take the middle ground and work on something i think i can achieve.

yeah, basically mcm tu la my resolutions walaupun sesekali terasa mcm nak jugak ada a specific one or two that may sound incredible or ridiculously impossible. tapi, if anyone find out kang, they’d call me foolish la, naive la, or even being over-idealistic.

selalunya mcm tu lah. kalau share dgn kengkawan, they might just politely agree and support despite their doubts. kalau bgtau parents they might discourage pulak for fear of the hurt i might feel should i fail (mak je lah kot, papa selalu support jek).

aaaand, the society in which aku idop nih isn’t much kinder – most opinions are steamrolled over by the larger and more influential general consensus.

that’s the general problem dgn mentality org melayu.

the more u push, the more it pushes back. so, the only way is to quietly keep it to myself and prepare. lie nonchalantly when the words of doubts and discouragement fly overhead, gitu.

but when the right opportunity comes by harap2 i’ll be ready to grab it by its horns and never look back.

harapnya lah...

a man can be praised for doing all sorts of good deeds throughout his life, but make one small mistake and no one would even remember the countless lives that man might have saved anyway.

why must we be judged for our mistakes? do we not have the right to second chances? do we not have the right to prove (if sincere) that we are different from that of old? why it is so hard to prove to pple the person who u are rather than the person that u were supposed to be? is it so hard to let go of perceptions… espeshli when u only heard about it not experienced it? how many pple out there have been cast aside becoz of hearsay and rumours? how many pple have u urself choose to move far from becoz u heard it from someone else something bad about them?

what a world we live in… when so many pple can turn on u in an instant. it's a scary thought to try and set things right.

would i even try…?

what i hate about pple sometimes is their inability to see anything but their own stand when they’re angry. or even the incapacity to have a decent conversation without pulling a fast, irrational personal attack on an argument. aku adalah sangat menyaaaammpahhh dgn org2 mcm ni.

aku tau what it’s like on the angrier and frustrated end, but at least i try hard to remain objectively rational about the arguments at hand and the cards on the table. i’ll analyze if i must (well i should kannn...?). and i believe i’m a lot calmer these days and surer of what’s around me (walaupun org2 yg kenal aku laaaaaaama dulu kata aku semaken panas baran).

so why can’t they? and ‘they’, in this context refers to the ones guilty enough to know it.

so far, the easiest way to handle org2 mcm ni adalah to be completely oblivious towards them and the things they say. i hope it gets them extremely annoyed and best of all, they'll eventually tire themselves out. but it still nags me like hell... weeks later their words, their statements might just still be paddling about in the murky depths of my thoughts. benci nya!!!

mintak mahaplah kalau aku ni annoyingly idealistic. if u hate rainbows, little dwarfs being frens with princesses, miraculous transformation of toads and a talking mirror, u won’t like hanging around me (not that i talk about fairy tales much.)

the excuse of being older and wiser is ironically starting to sound… old and stupid. sebagai seorang yg dewasa dan terpelajar, why 'they' failed so miserably at it? susah sangat ke to have constructive arguments?

what a rhetoric question, kan? and we shall not delve into that any longer least our gray matter decides to prematurely die off by their millions.

harsh words? na-ah!!!

cinta
semua manusia di jagatraya ini perlu cinta
apa erti hidup bila tak mengenal cinta

cinta tak pernah salah
dia datang karena dia ingin
tanpa paksaan
jalan hiduplah yang membuat cinta itu indah atau sedih

cinta tak pernah salah
berbahagialah manusia yang saling mencintai
karena cinta kau bisa bertahan

cinta tak pernah salah

bad things happen all the time and all u can do is live with it. but when worse things happen in one day…how do u live with it?

i... do... not... know.

aku... tak... tau...!!!

but i do know the eventuality and catasthropic effect that this thing would bring to me.

i hate the fact i have to keep cleaning up messes.

i hate the fact that i have to swallow what i want for what's right to do.

i hate failing in things that i worked hard in trying to achieve.

i hate today.

and there is nothing i can do to stop it from happening.

jika kau tinggal di rumah yg baik, memiliki cukup makanan dan dpt membaca akhbar setiap hari

…kau adalah sebahagian dari kelompok terpilih.

jika kau bangun pagi ini dan merasa sihat

…kau lebih beruntung dari jutaan org yg mungkin tidak akan dpt bertahan hidup minggu ini.

jika kau tidak pernah merasakan bahaya perang, kesepian kerana dipenjara, kesakitan akibat penyiksaan, atau kelaparan tanpa sesuatu untuk mengisi perut

…kau berada selangkah lebih maju dibandingkan 500 juta org lain di dunia.

jika kau dapat menghadiri pertemuan politik atau keagamaan tanpa merasa takut akan diperlecehkan, ditangkap, diseksa, atau mati

…kau beruntung, kerana lebih dari 3 juta org di dunia tidak dpt melakukannya.

jika kau boleh bertemu dengan kawan2 mu, minum kopi dgn santai dan menonton wayang bersama tanpa sebarang kerisauan

…kau bertuah, kerana begitu ramai manusia di dunia yg hanya bermimpi dpt melakukannya.

jika kau memiliki makanan di dalam peti ais, baju-baju di almari pakaian, dan memiliki bumbung yg menaungi tempat kau beristirehat

…kau lebih kaya dari 75% penduduk di dunia ini.

jika kau memiliki simpanan di bank, duit di dompet, dan mampu membelanjakan sebagian wang untuk menikmati hidangan di restoran

…kau merupakan anggota dari 8% kelompok org2 kaya di dunia.

jika orang tua kau masih hidup dan menikmati kebahagiaan kehidupan perkahwinan mereka

…maka kau termasuk salah satu dari kelompok org yg dikategorikan sedikit.

jika kau mampu mengangkat kepala dgn senyuman dibibir dan merasa benar2 bahagia

…kau memiliki keistimewaan tersendiri, kerana sebagian besar org tidak memperoleh kenikmatan tersebut.

hitunglah kurnia keberuntungan yg kau miliki, dan renungkanlah. bahawasanya kau adalah org yg sgt beruntung.

dgn bersyukur, kau akan lebih menikmati hidup yg hanya sebentar ini.

to let go of the past?

na-ah... it’s not as easy as it sounds. i can move on, but never let go.

in some way, maybe it is possible to actually let go. yes, time does a lot for the human soul, in ways i never thought possible. it’s just one of those things this human mind of mine will never be able to digest, or understand.

some of these are better left unanalysed, and unsaid… that way, perhaps life can offer greener pastures in future. perhaps that way, i can just walk on and live out the rest of my tenure here on earth.

am trying to be positive, but... i dont know.

Hari ini sebelum kita mengatakan kata-kata yang tidak baik,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang tidak dapat berkata-kata sama sekali.

Sebelum kita mengeluh tentang rasa dari makanan,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang tidak punya apapun untuk dimakan.

Sebelum anda mengeluh tidak punya apa-apa,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang meminta-minta dijalanan.

Sebelum kita mengeluh bahawa kita buruk,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang berada pada keadaan yang terburuk di dalam hidupnya.

Sebelum mengeluh tentang suami atau isteri anda,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang memohon kepada Tuhan untuk diberikan teman hidup.

Hari ini sebelum kita mengeluh tentang hidup,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang meninggal terlalu cepat.

Sebelum kita mengeluh tentang anak-anak kita,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang sangat ingin mempunyai anak tetapi dirinya mandul.

Sebelum kita mengeluh tentang rumah yang kotor kerana pembantu tidak mengerjakan tugasnya,
Fikirkan tentang orang-orang yang tinggal dijalanan.

Dan di saat kita letih dan mengeluh tentang pekerjaan,
Fikirkan tentang pengangguran, orang-orang cacat yang berharap mereka mempunyai pekerjaan seperti kita.

Sebelum kita menunjukkan jari dan menyalahkan orang lain,
Ingatlah bahawa tidak ada seorangpun yang tidak berdosa.

Dan ketika kita sedang bersedih dan hidup dalam kesusahan,
Tersenyum dan berterima kasihlah kepada Tuhan bahawa kita masih diberi peluang meneruskan hidup!

i try and try as i might to do the right things in life, but demmit how can i go anywhere when i’m stuck here in the mercy or what other pple say… or not say about me.

i try and try as hard as i might to have the right tools, but demmit how the hell aku nak fix anything when no one knows that aku ni exist as a person.

i try and try as hard as i can to not let it affect me, but how on earth aku nak walk thru a sharp cutting trigger without bleeding one way or another.

i hate the fact that there will always be this bad vibe hanging over me for as long as i am here. tak kira la where i go or what i do or who i know. that vibe yg celaka, that assumption that this is who i am and it's alright to avoid me becoz of it will always hang around me. and the part that gets me sick and tired and tabley bla lgsg of it all in the end is that the pple yg aku rasa know me best for who i am and would often be there to remind me to keep going or just to stand by me adalah the ones that keep my existence quiet to the world… while the assholes that don't know squat go on and on to other pple about me that is as fictional as pinnochio.

kepalahotak!!!

Hope
is a thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings a tune without words
And never stops at all.

And
sweetest, in the gale, is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That keeps so many warm.

I’ve
heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea
Yet, never, in extremity
It ask a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson (1830 - 1886)

aku sangat menyampah bila someone tells me that i can do something without actually listening on what that thing i wanna do is. lps tu when i least expect it and in the worst possible moment, when everything is ready to go, sibuk bgtau i might not be able to go through with it becoz they don't know what's going on.

aku sangat menyampah that as much as i try and explain things to pple, they do not listen and choose not to listen becoz they want it their way which doesn't work with the problem becoz they never listened to the problem in the first place.

bongok!!!

kau tak perlu berlari untuk menjauh
tak perlu terluka untuk menangis
atau bersedih hanya untuk merasakan nikmatnya bahagia
kerana setiap apapun yang diberikan Tuhan
pastinya adalah jalan menuju Syurga...

Ya Allah... jika aku jatuh cinta,
cintakanlah aku pada seseorang yang melabuhkan cintanya pada-Mu
agar bertambah kekuatan ku untuk mencintai-Mu.

Ya Muhaimin... jika aku jatuh cinta,
jagalah cintaku padanya
agar tidak melebihi cintaku pada-Mu.

Ya Allah... jika aku jatuh hati,
izinkanlah aku menyentuh hati seseorang yang hatinya tertaut pada-Mu
agar tidak terjatuh aku dalam jurang cinta semu.

Ya Rabbana... jika aku jatuh hati,
jagalah hatiku padanya
agar tidak berpaling pada hati-Mu.

Ya Rabbul Izzati... jika aku rindu,
rindukanlah aku pada seseorang yang merindui syahid di jalan-Mu.

Ya Allah... jika aku rindu,
jagalah rinduku padanya agar tidak lalai aku merindukan syurga-Mu.

Ya Allah... jika aku menikmati cinta,
janganlah kenikmatan itu melebihi kenikmatan indahnya bermunajat di sepertiga malam terakhir-Mu.

Ya Allah... jika aku jatuh cinta,
jangan biarkan aku terjatuh dalam perjalanan panjang menyeru manusia kepada-Mu.

Ya Allah... jika Kau halalkan aku mencintai siapa pun manusia itu,
jangan biarkan aku melampaui batas sehingga melupakan aku pada cinta hakiki dan rindu abadi hanya kepada-Mu.



Ya Allah...
temukanlah hati ini dengan hati yang sama merindu dan mencintai-Mu. tunjukkanlah jalan-jalannya. penuhilah hati ini dengan nur-Mu yang tidak pernah pudar. lapangkanlah dada ini dengan limpahan keimanan kepada-Mu dan keindahan bertawakal di jalan-Mu, Ya Allah.
Amin...

i'm sitting here listening to R Kelly's u saved me. funny how we always know that God is always out there showering us with His grace, but then, that's just it - we knew but somehow we seem to be not feeling it. how weak we are as human. in times of laughter, we forget Him. in time of sadness we blame Him.

u saved me...

that song by R Kelly brings tears to my eyes... yes it's a christian song, i know. but for me that song has always reminded how the Rabbul Jalil has always kept me safe, give me my peace, provide me love and happiness... giving me SAKINAH. but i never grace, never bowed my head with sincerity. i blackened my heart with sins. i weakened my soul with lust.

ya Allah, save me…

aku adalah teman sejatimu.

aku adalah penolongmu yang paling hebat, juga adalah bebanmu yang paling berat.

aku akan mendorongmu maju ke depan atau menyeretmu ke dalam kegagalan.

aku sepenuhnya tunduk pada perintahmu.

sembilan puluh peratus hal yang kamu lakukan boleh kamu serahkan kepadaku dan
aku akan dapat mengerjakan secara cepat dan tepat.

aku mudah diatur, tunjukkanlah kepadaku bagaimana caranyanya kamu menghendaki sesuatu dilaksanakan dan setelah beberapa kali aku akan mengerjakan semua dengan sendirinya.

aku adalah hamba semua orang hebat dan sayangnya juga hamba semua orang pecundang.

aku bukan mesin, walaupun aku bekerja bagaikan mesin ditambah daya intelektual manusia.

kamu boleh menggerakkan aku demi meraih keuntungan atau malah kerugian, tidak ada bezanya bagiku.

ambillah aku, latihlah aku, bersikaplah tegas terhadapku, maka aku akan menempatkan dunia di bawah kakimu.

bersikap longgarlah terhadapku maka aku akan menghancurkanmu.

siapakah aku?

aku adalah “kebiasaan”.

kebiasaan-kebiasaan yang baik harus dipegang erat-erat dengan kuat beserta komitmen yang tinggi.

tak kira bagaimana lelah kamu saat itu, setiap keputusan yang dikuatkan oleh kehendak untuk mengambil tindakan sesuai dengan komitmen akan mendatangkan hasil-hasil yang mengagumkan dalam waktu yang begitu singkat.

hari ni sepanjang masa abes maen tukar2 template. mcm best la pulak. i siriyesli need to change the layout of this blog. one thing though… it's not going to be black anymore that’s for sure. not that i don't like black anymore, but i think it’s about time to make a change.

while doing all this, i was wondering sbnrnya. just how much of one's past gets carried on to the present and the future? i mean aku cuba tukar layout supaya nampak baru, but at the same time cuba kekalkan few things. could that be the same as life itself? i take whatever good i can salvage over the past years and add to it a whole new dimension of my being. i guess that's about agreeable to everyone… pple do it one way or another.

now if that's to myself, what about how other pple see me. ini dlm konteks idop lah, bukan blog ni sbb dah sah2 tade sape yg bley access blog nih.

kalau aku berubah, how much of my past do they bring forth to the present and future? kenapa selalunya the bad is only taken to be remembered and the good is forgotten in an instant espeshli when it concerns what one remember of other pple? is our legacy so fitting that only the bad and most heinous, keji of deeds are remembered and passed on for others to remember?

gee whiz… what's worse is that the things that get remembered are always passed on in the shadows, never in the open. pple may smile, pple may say good things in front of me. but turn around for one second and they start talking shit about me behind my back.

so sickening, but i guess, that what life is all about.

saat berdetik tanpa henti

dan jam terus berjalan memacu lajunya waktu

tak ada yang abadi dalam diri

sesuatu yang serba kau puja

sesuatu yang tiada tapi kau damba

kan hilang pesonanya seiring senja

sedang erti tampan dan cantik yang sebenarnya

adalah beningnya hati serta indahnya kata dan tata gerak raga

dan semoga kau bisa menggapainya

ENGKAU yang satu,

hakikat manusia hadir di dunia ini
untuk menyembah untuk menghamba
kepada Sang pencipta
Yang Maha Kuasa atas semua yang ada

diciptakan syurga dan neraka
menjadi batas pemisah
antara hamba-Mu yang bertaqwa
dengan hamba yang tenggelam dalam dosa

jadikanlah diri ini menjadi penghuni syurga
izinkanlah diri ini bernaung di dalam sana
janganlah kau tenggalamkan diri ini dalam neraka-Mu
kabulkan doa hamba-Mu ini Tuhanku...

tidak semua yang berada di belakang akan kalah kerana langkah perlahannya.
tidak semua yang berada di depan akan menang dengan segala pencapaian hebatnya.

dia pura-pura buta

saat berjuta wajah menjelma

menghadiah senyum meronta pesona

dia pura-pura tuli

saat berjuta desah lelaki

cuba memecah sepi kedalaman hati

dia pura-pura mati rasa

saat satu sentuhan dan belaian manja meraba

cuba membangkit hasrat hati

dia cuba jadi burung yang terbang tinggi ke angkasa

sambil melepaskan dzikir pemusnah dosa

semoga tak tampak di pandangan mata

hingga mereka pun menghambur kata

“dasar perempuan tak kunjung dewasa”

dia pura-pura belum dewasa

agar dia tak lagi celaka

tapi

mampukah dia?

revel in the moments for moments are what life is made of - it is such moments that we remember more than any great event...

yeah cliche i know.

this moment, they creep up behind u, hit u on the head, and u feel like tomorrow u'll wake up and do something great.

then it leaves. everytime, u wake up only to feel completely dazzed and confused... and lazy.

therefore... still not living the whatever-vague-thing u want to be during those moments.

*sigh*

she always stays at this side of the road.
sits in the coffee shop’s chair and watches the sky turns from light to dark.
drinks her glasses of lemonade and reads some headlines in the newspapers.


she always waits there, in this side of the road.
sits in the same chair, every single day.
watches the same sky, every stupid minute.
keeps on drinking the same lemonade, from the same glass, over and over again.


she’s always there.
she will never go anywhere.
she's just keep waiting.
for that beautiful moment;
where he passes by, then stops, and asks...

'hi, is this chair taken?'


and finally she's got the chance to say...

'no. never. it's yours. always.'

yg sorang kata : telling an ex let’s stay frens is the equivalent of ‘i don’t hate u’. but once u’ve shared a past, i don’t think it’s possible to maintain a true frenship.

sorang lagi kata : it is hard to say that we just only be frens. no matter next time jumpa or not, the lost love memory together will always remain in the heart. it is impossible to say that i have really forgotten that memory.

jadi korang ni kawan ke tak kawan? aku confuse. and sedey. sbb i know them both by heart.

and i know it’s very sad losing a partner, tambah sedey to lose the frenship that came with the relationship. however, remaining frens after the fact hardly helps either side, becoz the frenship was also part of the relationship, and it is difficult to separate to two. especially when a new person enters the equation adalah di kalangan kawan2 jugak.

although so, everyone at least will fall in love once in a life. everyone ought to be love and being in love again. treat the lost love as an experience in life and may it to let u success in another love again.

i never fall in love. tapi at least, that’s what i think.

jika kamu memancing ikan, setelah ikan itu terlekat dimata kail hendaklah kamu mengambil terus ikan itu. janganlah sesekali kamu lepaskan ia semula ke dalam air begitu sahaja. kerana ia akan sakit oleh kerana bisanya ketajaman mata kailmu dan mungkin akan menderita selagi ia masih hidup.

begitulah juga setelah kamu memberi banyak pengharapan kepada seseorang. setelah ia mula menyayangimu, hendaklah kamu menjaga hatinya. janganlah sesekali kamu terus meninggalkannya begitu sahaja. kerana dia akan terluka oleh kenangan bersamamu dan mungkin tidak dapat melupakan segalanya selagi dia mengingatimu.

jika kamu menadah air biarlah berpada, jangan terlalu mengharap pada takungannya dan janganlah menganggap ia begitu teguh. cukuplah sekadar keperluanmu. apabila sekali ia retak. tentu sukar untuk kamu menampalnya semula. akhirnya ia dibuang. sedangkan jika kamu cuba membaikinya mungkin ia masih boleh digunakan lagi.

begitu juga jika kamu memiliki seseorang terimalah seadanya. janganlah kamu terlalu mengaguminya dan janganlah kamu menganggapnya begitu istimewa. anggaplah dia manusia biasa. apabila sekali dia melakukan kesilapan bukan mudah bagi kamu untuk menerimanya. akhirnya kamu kecewa dan meninggalkannya. sedangkan jika kamu memaafkannya boleh jadi hubungan kamu akan berterusan hingga keakhirnya.

jika kamu telah memiliki sepinggan nasi yang kamu pasti baik untuk dirimu, mengenyangkan, berkhasiat. mengapa kamu berlengah, cuba mencari makanan yang lain. terlalu ingin mengejar kelazatan. kelak, nasi itu akan basi dan kamu tidak boleh memakannya langsung. kamu akan menyesal.

begitu juga jika kamu telah bertemu dengan seorang insan yang kamu pasti membawa kebaikan kepada dirimu. menyayangimu. mengasihimu. mengapa kamu berlengah, cuba membandingkannya dengan yang lain. terlalu mengejar kesempurnaan. kelak, kamu kehilangannya dan kamu akan menyesal apabila dia beralih arah.

sayang ianya tak semudah mengucapkan kata2...

secara idealnya aku rasa, there is certain level of friendship that remains after a relationship between two pple. then again… when some feelings are still there despite what has happened, love turns into something else… despair and hurt.

pple deal with it differently. ada yg move on. ada yg run away. tapi the result is almost always the same in every case. very few pple go back to that part where u could speak to each other as friends.

apa pun keputusan mereka, they both are still my frens.

hari ini maka bermulalah proses mengimport nukilan lama dari blog zaman silam.
mana yg rasanya logik dan terserap dek aqal manusiawi, pindahkan ke sini.
yg tidak masuk kepala, kurang sesuai biarkan saja.
mungkin akhirnya akan dipadam terus.
tapi bley jadik jugak kekal disimpan buat kenang2an.

tapi satu perkara yg aku tak pasti kenapa,
semua entri blog ni sepanjang tahun 2007 aku jadikan draft saja.
kecuali entri pantun raya bertarikh 8 october 2007.

mungkin sebab aku start blogging kat sini balek on the very 1st day puasa kot .
nak mark konon exactly a year lah kot.
konon je, tapi entah laaaahhh...

phewww...!!!

finally i'm done with the operasi pemindahan entri2 dari walk on the thin line.

now it's about time for me to click the 'delete' button.

i’m thinking i might start a new blog label/tag/category titled ermmm... what about ‘random ramblings’? it would be fitting for posts where i talk about a lot of things, but at the same time, a lot of nothing. it would be the equivalent of mental diarrhea, where my mind just uncontrollably spews out whatever it has digested within the last 24 hours or so. it would be the polar opposite of verbal constipation.

or, aku create satu character baru, one like miharu aka makcik vogue from the other blog. so, i could blab about pointless topics that often do not flow well from one topic to the next, like that awkward conversation with someone i wish to not be conversing with. and better yet, no one knows what exactly on my mind so nobody would shout at me to shut up and stop filling cyberspace with my pointless crap.

now doesn’t that sound like fun?

yeah, makcik vogue blogging here, why not?

ever had the feeling that u were leading another life parallel to urs? ever had that feeling that u spent most of ur life living in so many different masks that u don't know who u are anymore? ok… maybe that's a little too drastic, let's take it down to something a little simpler. ever lived ur life wearing two faces? one which pple expect u to be and one who u are supposed to be?

sometimes its hard to just maintain a facade in front of the pple who see me everyday becoz they rely on that to trust and understand me. there are days where i just want to let go of all that i have and show pple for who i really am. that can be a bad thing though… the last time i did that, being scorned was the least of my problems. i'm sure as hell many others have had that problem before on more than one occasion.

so what else do i have left…? all i can do is to show people the cards i deal with, play with what they are comfortable to deal with. as ridiculous as that may sound, society still is far from being forgiving when it comes to truth and human nature. i dowana be a bigger outsider than i already play myself to be. so if i cant choose the path of being myself, where else can i turn but what other pple play me out to be? it makes things easier for me to work within that system of assumptions anyway.

but what happens when u meet the pple who can understand u for who u are? what happens when u meet that minority of pple who dont judge u for who are, who understand u for ur actions and accept even the darkest parts of who u are? it can be a dilemma when u have to play someone who's true to urself and someone who wears the masks society will interact with. one way or another… there is going to be some botch ups in who u're going to be as.

one way or another i’m going to forget which role i’m playing purely becoz humans are creatures of habit. unless i can compartmentalize my opinions and feelings to a certain degree, i’m going to be one person or another… and even that itself is not something that can be done easily.

i wish that i could always be the person i always am without pple condemning the things i would be willing to do should i be true to myself. i trust that i do have qualities that make me good at what i do… but not without some things that make me the monster i already am. maybe there will be a day where i can walk free of the aliases that i walk under. walk free of the images that pple see me as. maybe that day will come soon enough… i can only hope as always.

keep walking and keep that faith in myself. what am i left to do but that?