bukan berniat to go totally out on the egotistical limb here, but i think in all my life i've been the living diary and emotional shoulder for many pple. in all the time that i have always stood by those i care for, stood by those i dowan to see suffer the same things i do. tak kira mcmana pun, i've always found some strength to pass on to others. strength, faith and maybe some hope that pple need to walk over those moments when u wish u weren't around to live it.
pple always think that i'm funny and spontaneous.
and i have always found it easy to talk to pple that way. it's like whenever my brain registers that someone has something troubling their mind, i immediately put everything aside to make sure they have my full attention. i say the right words at the right time and as a friend said to me, 'shit beb, u're kinda freaking crazy bzbody, yet u're always cool and comforting lah...'.
ye ke?
so the real question is just this really.
why is it everytime i talk to him, i can't be that particular person?
i just wanna know why of all pple in the world, i can't talk to him with the same casual smoothness i do with everyone else, or at least in that same frame of mind.
i just wanna know why of all the guys in the world, all the pple i've been there for as me, i can't be who i'm strongest as around just him. i say the absolute wrong things at the wrong time. and i certainly feel like my chest is about to explode everytime i hear his voice. hasilnya, bercakap tergagap2 merapu mcm org bodoh coz everytime we talk, seems like all the voices in my head, the workload of my problems and the fractured pieces of my life just spills out into one ugly mess of attitude and words.
are relationships of this magnitude always the source of ur greatest strength and also the cause of ur greatest weakness?
if so, that's just sad if it wasn't so ironic.
